Strawberries and cream in a public toilet . . .

That's how one person described the so-called "king of fruits." I can't remember where I first heard about durian, but ever since I did, I've wanted to try it. I've always been a bit of an adventurer when it comes to trying odd or off-the-wall foods. When I was little and my mom would let us get a treat at the grocery store, I always managed to find something completely random to get--like a tiny jar of caviar, or sour pickled Japanese plums. I was in good company, though--my older sister would almost always insist on getting a jar of green olives and my older brother would usually opt for a tin of sardines. We would beg my mom not to let him open them in the car on the way home. The grocery store always brings back good childhood memories. I won't go into our obsession with grocery store gumball machines here, though. Charlotte, can you say rabbit's foot? Anyway, back to my story.



Durian is this fruit that grows in southeast Asia and is considered one of the most exquisite delicacies. The problem with it is that it is a bit on the stinky side. When I say a bit, I mean REALLY, REALLY stinky. Descriptions of it's smell abound. Here's how one travel and food writer described it: "... its odor is best described as pig-@#&*, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away. Despite its great local popularity, the raw fruit is forbidden from some establishments such as hotels, subways and airports, including public transportation in Southeast Asia." Appetizing, huh? I guess the thing that intrigued me most is how something that smells so bad could possibly taste so good. How is that possible? So imagine my delight when I found it for sale in a local Asian market.

I think I've mentioned before that I moonlight at this Vietnamese office that's in this huge shopping center called the Hong Kong City Mall. When you step into this place, you truly are in a different country. Most signs for the businesses are in Vietnamese and pretty much everyone is speaking Vietnamese. There are some perks to working there, though--well a perk, which is the Vietnamese sandwich shop across from the dental office. If you've never had one, you need to find your nearest Vietnamese bakery/sandwich shop and pick yourself up one of these. So a couple of weeks ago, I had some time to kill between patients so I took a stroll through the grocery store that is in the Hong Kong City Mall.

Much to my delight, there next to the check out was a big crate of spiky durian. The glaring red sign that said "No Returns" should have been a warning, but no, I pressed on. I thought the price was $4.00 for the whole thing, but when I got to the checkout I quickly learned it was $4.00 per pound, and this is no small fruit. But, I thought, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to try the "king of fruits," so I shelled out the 20 bucks to buy the stinky thing. The checkout lady again reiterated to me "no returns," as I paid.


I had to ride home with my windows open. At first the smell was almost overpowering--even with the windows open. But strangely enough, after a while it started to smell not-so-bad--almost good. I was getting excited that it was actually going to be good. So I got home and cracked the thing open.

Let's just say that the smell of the unopened fruit didn't even compare to the smell when I got wind of the white, custardy clumps that were inside. It's hard to describe the smell--almost like an over-ripe fruit smell overlaid with maybe a bit of poop and garlic? It truly is something you have to smell for yourself. So I pulled out a couple of the clumps. I brought it in the house and needless to say it sent Audrey and Parker running--they wouldn't try it, let alone even come near it. Even Moe pushed it away without hesitation. So I tasted it.

You would think that since it is a fruit, it would taste, well, fruity. Au contraire mon frère. Nothing fruity AT ALL here. To me, it tasted kind of like really intense roast beef with garlic with again, poop. Not that I know what poop tastes like, but I can imagine. And the consistency made it even worse--like a squishy custard. Funny that those who like it often cite the texture as part of its appeal. I didn't swallow it, it was just too bad.

So along with a really gross taste in my mouth, I was left wondering what is so fundamentally different about the taste buds of people of Northern European descent and those of Southeast Asian descent? How could one group be so enamored by something so repulsive to the other? I guess I'll never figure it out. So if you ever find yourself in Bangkok, or the Hong Kong City Mall, and you get a hankering for some durian, don't say I didn't warn you. Go for the bánh mì thịt nướng instead.